Slow States

And off we go. Again, note the rules and regulations of this endeavor. Your participation is not only encouraged, but is necessary to the discussion. If you hate the band, kindly move on to the next post or blog in your daily time-wasting ritual.

93. Less Than You Think (A Ghost Is Born)
PV – 93 | CG – 93 | KP – 81

High – KP (81) – I’m not sure it’s really fair that I have to “defend” this one. Chris makes a good point below about Patrick’s rule but honestly I think Tweedy is on to something during the first 1:51 of this. Then the clangs get loud and, well, here we are. Still, as we’ll get to later in the Slow States Wilco Project, I’ll take experimental failure over deliberate lameness.

Low – CG (93) – This was sealed for me the moment Patrick made the “you must consider the entire song” rule in our preliminary discussions. It’s a bit of a shame in a way, as it’s a pretty little three-minute song followed the twelve minutes of piercing buzz which is Jeff Tweedy’s expression of his battle with migraine headaches:

For a lot of that record I was just trying not to be too drugged out and as a result I was suffering from enormous migraine type throbbing pain. Quite a bit of that came out on “A Ghost Is Born.” There is a lot of material that mirrored my condition. In particular there’s a piece of music — “Less Than You Think” — that ends with a 12-minute drone that was an attempt to express the slow painful rise and dissipation of migraine in music. I don’t know why anyone would need to have that expressed to them musically. But it was all I had.

And I get that. Had ‘em as a kid, and spent many days in a dark bedroom with a cold washcloth draped over my forehead. But it’s still unlistenable to me, and the prevailing factor in this tier of my rankings is “how quickly do I want to skip through this song?”. Sorry, Jeff. Rules are rules.

92. Shake it Off (Sky Blue Sky)
PV – 91 | CG – 85 | KP – 82

High – KP (82) – Well aren’t I full of sunshine so far here in the bottom ten? The vocal and lonely guitar work well, and I like the build. It’s only my overall disdain for Sky Blue Sky that kept this from being even higher.

Low – PV (91) – Do you remember that Will Ferrell “Bad Doctor” skit on Saturday Night Live, where it was clear that the show was five minutes short and Ferrell said, “Give me a lab coat and Chris Parnell and I’ll fill that time, no need to script”? Well, “Shake it Off” is the Wilco version of that, only Jeff Tweedy isn’t that good at improv. It’s a herky-jerk hodgepodge of guitar chords and ever-changing meters, with lyrics that appear to be random observations made in a hotel room (pretty sure at one point Tweedy sings “I love lamp”) followed by “Gonna shake it off” shouted approximately 73 times, and it goes on for FIVE MINUTES AND FORTY-THREE SECONDS. It’s the first true filler song on a Wilco album since A.M., and the saddest part is it comes in the middle of a truly wonderful run of songs in the first two-thirds of Sky Blue Sky.

And yet, it’s still better than the fuzz of “Less Than You Think”.

91. Radio Cure (Yankee Hotel Foxtrot)
PV – 73 | CG – 84 | KP – 88

High – PV (73) – This song is a slow burn, an introspective look at the communication between a couple slowly fading toward oblivi…OK, it’s not that good, but the rising tide of YHF raises all boats. It’s kinda long, and it’s fuzzy, and it’s not particularly interesting musically. I might have it ranked a bit high, though KP’s thoughts on the chorus are spot-on.

Low – KP (88) – The previously mentioned Mrs. HD saw our bottom ten and isn’t very happy with me about this one. I like this song when I’m feeling despondent and have a good window to look out of, not so much when I’m craving stimulation. I will say this: “Distance has a way of making love understandable” is one of Tweedy’s top five lyrics.

90. It’s Just That Simple (A.M.)
PV – 85 | CG – 87 | KP – 73

High – KP (73) – This is the first A.M. song and so I’ll make sure it’s clear that I’m an A.M. junky. It’s one of my least favorite on the album but listening as I write this I still think it’s a solid song. I hate pop country but I love western twang.

Low – CG (87) – As I mentioned in the podcast, as I refined my rankings for this project, the A.M. songs kept slipping and slipping. It was probably just how the songs hit me on the particular days I was working on this thing. I actually kind of like this song, as I like just about any song featuring a pedal steel.

Mid – PV (85) – This is the thing I don’t get with about half of A.M.: If I wanted to hear this, I have No Depression and Anodyne and Whiskeytown’s Faithless Street, where it’s done better. This is about the time on that album where I skip to “Passenger Side”.

89. Everlasting (Wilco (The Album))
PV – 77 | CG – 83 | KP – 85

High – PV (77) – Since Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, Tweedy’s tried to finish off every album (including even the live album Kicking Television, oddly enough) with a complete change of pace. There was “Reservations”, and then “The Late Greats”, followed by “What Light” “On and On and On” (that’s what I get for working from memory). And so we get “Everlasting” at the end of the most recent album, a song that takes a swing at doing the same introspective philosophy thing that “What Light” so successfully accomplished, and it doesn’t really work. KP’s right that the Philosophy 101 lyrics don’t help the cause, but at least it has a nice fade over the last 45 seconds or so.

Low – KP (85) – What is even going on here? “Everlasting…everything…nothing could be anything…” To paraphrase one of my favorite songs: Musical philosophers don’t know nothing, about my understanding of the universe. This is painfully empty poetry.

88. You and I (Wilco (The Album))
PV – 70 | CG – 82 | KP – 91

High – PV (70) – I really like this song. There, I said it. It might be the Wilco version of “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now“, and it might have an overly-simplified view of love and relationships, especially for a band that had so effectively tackled issues of domestic abuse and despondency not that long before (“Oh I don’t wanna know and you don’t need to know that much about me” is not exactly the strongest foundation upon which to build a constructive relationship, Tweeds). But Tweedy and Feist just work well together — it’s lost in all the bullshit iPad advertisement stuff, but Feist has a phenomenal voice — and it’s only three minutes and change of fluff. It’s a nice little song, and Kevin should just stop being a hater on that album and enjoy it.

Low – KP (91) – Wilco (The Album) the album just doesn’t speak to me. This sounds like a pop song from the 40′s only with less soul.

87. Blue Eyed Soul (A.M.)
PV – 80 | CG – 91 | KP – 66

High – KP (66) – I hate you guys so much. This song is awesome, has previously mentioned twang, and besides fits in with the rest of the album seamlessly.

Low – CG (91) – Always felt like a throw-away track to me, as if you couldn’t tell by the #91 ranking.

Mid – PV (80) – Has a bass drum ever derailed a song? Because that first thud fifteen seconds into this song (certainly not helped by the understandably cheap production on this album) derails the entire thing for me. By the end of the first chorus, I’ve already turned on “Misunderstood”.

86. Dash 7 (A.M.)
PV – 82 | CG – 92 | KP – 61

High – KP (61) – Looking back, A.M. was ranked in clusters, this track, “Blue Eyed Soul” and “I Thought I Held You” are all within six spots on my list. I rewarded continuity and miss the days (1995 included) when I could listen to a full album and feel some sense of place and time. I’m now channeling a cranky Rolling Stone editor or thinly veiled, bitter record label executive but Tweedy left Uncle Tupelo for a reason and he had a lot of good pent-up songwriting inside of him at the time of disbandment.

Low – CG (92) – If you’ve never had the horror of flying on a puddle-jumping prop plane, this song might not resonate. “I found the way those engines sound /
Will make you kiss the ground / When you touch down”. Sure does.

85. I’m a Wheel (A Ghost Is Born)
PV – 74 | CG – 81 | KP – 80

High – PV (74) – I’ve always thought A Ghost Is Born is Tweedy’s attempt at making a late-period Beatles album, right down to the all-white album artwork (See it? Yeah you do.) And, if you’re going to do that, you have to have something that’s stilted and and disjointed and all over the place, like “Everybody’s Got Something To Hide Except Me And My Monkey”. Here it is.

Low – CG (81) – And now I’m already regretting my rankings, because this should be much lower on my list. What a hot mess this thing is. This should be my #92, not “Dash 7″. I feel like I should send A.M. flowers or something.

Mid – KP (80) – The most embarrassing part of this project so far is that none of us ranked this song in the 90s.

84. Solitaire (Wilco (The Album))
PV – 64 | CG – 77 | KP – 84

High – PV (64) – It’s funny, I never get past this point on Wilco (The Album) because I hate “I’ll Fight” so much. Seriously, on my iTunes, this has 14 plays and the next three songs are all blank. Anyway, “Solitaire” is OK, channeling the story of independence and loneliness through a card game, and looking back at how foolish it was to stand up against the world alone, even if the band was better when it was telling us how to fight that loneliness instead of how stupid loneliness can be. Whatever’s going down will follow you around, so just laugh at every joke. Or get married and stuff, you stupid loner.

Low – KP (84) – Another song where (and keep in mind I’m a song guy) all I hear is “muh muh muh, dun dun dun, bum bum.” And then it ends so abruptly I lose track of what I was doing to amuse myself to get through having to listen to it.

Some might love it, we know at least one person is going to hate it.  After getting through some light Big Ten news we announce our Great Summer Project which involves a list of 93 songs, a massive Excel spread sheet, and a guy at least one member of the Slow States immediate family thinks is scum on a good day. We end on a transitional whimper: the #1 song on our bottom ten.

Listen above, right click here or subscribe in iTunes.

Beer: Troegs Dreamweaver Wheat, New Belgium Brewing Mothership Wit, Lagunitas Brown Sugar, Barney Flat Oatmeal Stout (and the moose)

Music: Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks, The Go! Team, Cake

(image via.)

FSH with a random list on defense effectiveness. Find the one that doesn’t fit:

Biggest Differences Between Standard Downs SR+ and Passing Downs SR+ (Pass Downs > Std Downs) (2005-10)
1. 2008 Texas Tech (91 spots – 101st on standard downs / 10th on passing downs)
2. 2006 New Mexico State (89 spots – 111th / 22nd)
3. 2010 New Mexico State (75 spots – 108th / 33rd)
4. 2010 Penn State (73 spots – 84th / 11th)
5. 2007 Hawaii (72 spots – 99th / 27th)
6. 2010 SMU (72 spots – 89th / 17th)
7. 2006 Indiana (71 spots – 99th / 28th)
8. 2007 UNLV (71 spots – 96th / 25th)
9. 2010 Central Michigan (68 spots – 111th / 43rd)
10. 2010 Nevada (68 spots – 105th / 37th)

So not exactly great company for a team that pride themselves on defense, but also right in line with what made last year so frustrating for fans of both sound linebacking and Penn State. The middle was extremely soft and it made it hard to force the offense’s hand. The defense returns eight but has holes on the line to fill, which should be interesting knowing that teams are likely to force Penn State to prove they can stop the ground game before progressing through the playbook.

Behold Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks, who as news to me have actually been around since 2000 and are now touring the Slow States.  Here’s one from the mid-oos.

If you can get over the obnoxious hipsterness here there’s a lot to like, packing a high punch-to-band member ratio. It’s remenencent of that stereotypical mid-90s throwback sound with a natural vocal and constantly marching insturmentation.

And that guitar, well it’s fantastic. A most excellent combination of parts, really: the classic feel of a tele body, rich humbucking pickups, and the sustain of a partially hollow body. I can’t speak for the duct tape.

The Thermals are making their way through the Slow States at the end of this month opening for Matt & Kim.

A university president.

The answer to this morning’s USA Today’s headline is a pretty obvious “of course they are.” There’s a reason the OSUs, USCs and Alabamas are who we think they are. A missed bowl game here or missing qualified second string cornerback there (via scholarship reductions) isn’t going to be anything 100,000 seat stadiums and multi-million dollar TV contracts can’t overcome. Shoot, Miami lacks just about all of the fanbase advantages of those three I mentioned and was still able to come back and win it all just six years after significant penalties on (basically) fertile recurring grounds alone.

A 2007 study by Chad McEvoy, an associate professor of sport management at Illinois State, found that the five-year winning percentages of 35 teams sanctioned over a 15-year period ending in 2002 actually rose, from .547 to .566 in the five years after they were penalized by the NCAA.

Even among 10 schools hit with what were considered the most serious sanctions, the winning percentage dipped only slightly, from .634 to .614.

So are the NCAA’s penalties for rules violators severe enough?

The root of what’s going on here is that the NCAA is created by, serving of, and ultimately responsible to the big-time programs, all of whom are voluntary members.  If the the NCAA barks too loud it’s reorganized, and so are the contracts of the top 14 NCAA executives pulling in straight bank — including hundreds of thousands of dollars for bonuses and incentive payments. Let’s repeat that: the leadership of one of the most publicly bashed and ineffectively perceived not-for-profit organizations in the country is hitting goals and performance targets set by its board of directors…a BOD that is a rotating group of university presidents.

Save me the outrage over punishment levels when the whole idea that the NCAA even has the capacity to be truly effective is a non-discussion.

There are a ton of very well done renditions of the the traditional classic “Moonshiner.” This one is probably my favorite:

There are others I’m not as in to: Cat Power, for example, and hearing Dylan playing this one live is downright miserable. But the song is an excellent personal soundtrack for me while I wrap up one of the better books I’ve read in a while, Okrent’s historically entertaining and occasionally sarcastic “Last Call”.

[This post would contain an image of Jim Delany except that I can't find a single one of him outside.]

To continue to pile on, when you do things that are both predictable and lame, the end result looks something like emphasis added here from DocSat:

But as for all that salt-of-the-earth, Manball business people have been evoking to define the conference for decades — even after more than half the league has embraced the spread in one form or another — here’s one more reason to drop it. Given the choice, the Big Ten prefers to come in out of the cold just like everyone else.

This is decidedly not the case, but then again there’s no one to blame here for the perception that it is true except The Delany Corp. The reality is that the Big Ten Conference has no creativity — isn’t very good at outsourcing it, even — and instead of embracing what makes the Big Ten different culturally, made sure the Slow States look just like everyone else because that’s what Fox wanted.

As annoying as a Big Ten Indoor Football Championship trophy is (this site will petition that said trophy design include a roof, or at the very least not be allowed out in the elements), the real shame here is the lack of any effort to display the region’s culture.  In fact they’ve figured out a way to have the opposite effect.

The Big Ten suits are apparently into safe bets whenever available:

The inaugural Big Ten Football Championship Game will be held at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis in December, and that facility will also host the title game in 2012, 2013, 2014 and 2015.

I’ve attempted to rally against this both in my former and at scattered times leading up to this one. The decision is highly predictable and without creativity, but we knew that would be the case. The conference had a chance to let the game become a showcase of the region, boosting several economies instead of the same one every year, and they decided that was outweighed by the impact cold weather could have on ticket sales — to which I say:

and this

and this

and this

We have and do go to games in the cold, even ones that aren’t championship contests.

The main football argument I’ve heard is that an indoor game prevents the kind of outdoor game where we may send an inferior team to “represent” “us” in the BCS, to which I arrogantly scoff.  You still have to win your division to even get in the game. What’s interesting about the above argument is that every single football game besides this one is under the clouds, meaning we’re saying it’s okay for the full season to be susceptible to the weather (and it of course it should be) but not this game.

Secondly, and probably more importantly, none of us should care about being “represented.” We’ve already seen what happens when your flagship program fails miserably and routinely and, frankly, I’m not sure any non-Buckeyes are any worse off because of it.  Either your team wins the championship or they don’t, and there’s nothing unfair about being able to win both in September and December and call yourself a champion.

Not even a new lawyer is likely to save Pryor from himself at this point, and with Tressel out and what might end up being UNCx10-level suspensions on their way during round two from the NCAA, what’s to keep these guys from moving on?

After I pointed out in response that Tressel’s resignation could result in one or more applicants, Aiello said,  “There could be a supplemental draft, yes.  But the supplemental draft is not a mechanism for bypassing the regular draft.  It’s for players that have left school after the draft, evaluated on a case-by-case basis.”

But they signed agreements to return, damnit! Although the precedent remains to be set: does a ridiculous non-binding contract with your head football coach remain non-binding when that coach doesn’t even last though the summer?  Or does it become even more non-binding?

(Hypothetical Test Drive To: DBN)

Everyone’s favorite safety pick that isn’t actually interested in your job thinks Northwestern can get it done without your fancy textbook sales and temporary license plates:

Northwestern coach Pat Fitzgerald says teams can compete for national championships and do so while remaining ethically sound. He should be one to know. While his Wildcats’ teams haven’t reached the elite level to this point, Fitzgerald played on a team that reached the top five in the national rankings and he says they did it cleanly.

I’m not sure getting to and not finishing within an earshot of the Final Two qualifies you as “competing for a national championship,” but more importantly, recent history suggests there are clear advantages to finding some kind of edge.

(It’s worth pointing out here that I find blatant oversigning, the type that involves lying to players about the chances they’ll encounter a gray shirt and at times kicking kids out of dorms, not within the boundaries of “ethically sound.” You don’t have to, but know where I’m coming from.)

Your Champions:

2001 – Miami – Coker won it, but this was Butch Davis’s team. This is admittedly a reach here, but Davis hasn’t exactly proven that he’s above joyful ignorance at UNC.
2002 – Ohio State – What you want a link?
2003 – LSU/USC – Saban’s team, back before oversigning was even a word. This is the first of many self-explanatory USC mentions.
2004 – USC – See above.
2005 – Texas – Probably on the up-n-up, but they’re also getting their pick of Texas and had the most dynamic player in football that year. They beat USC with what many consider the single greatest bowl performance in a generation.
2006 – Florida – I have to be honest and say I’m not entirely sure what Urban Meyer’s legacy is anymore. No one ever accused him of blatant cheating or oversigning, but there have been netagive recruiting accusations for whatever that is worth. He landed a “most dynamic player in the nation” quarterback similar to Texas above, which is helpful. He also recruited from (arguably) the second best football state in the nation while Miami was on it’s ass and FSU was just as bad off.
2007 – LSU – See Nick Saban above, Les did this and is obviously playing the same game.
2008 – Florida – See above.
2009 – Alabama – See “Nick Saban” above.
2010 – Auburn – Cam Newton, obviously. Also oversigning.

I’m inclined to not count the ones I think are within the arbitrary boundaries of ethical — I find myself begrudgingly judgmental at times but hardly a moral expert. I will say that it seems difficult to truly get to the top without allegations, however a formula is starting to emerge: come from one of the very richest talent states, recruit while your local rivals are down, and then get one of those once-in-a-class players to become the winning ticket and perform like a champion when the pressure hits its peak.  So I guess that Fitzgerald is correct, then.

This isn’t to say that Johnny at 11W doesn’t have some points: Tressel and Pryor are the same punchline for the rest of time, and yes, this whole thing was predictable in hindsight (and before then, actually), but are we really at the point now where we’re painting this as some kind of new world attack on The Old Fashion Way?

[T]he truth of the matter is that both men are guilty of the kind of hubris that comes with not recognizing the new reality of college football: there’s no such thing as “handling it internally” anymore.

Through the unholy trinity of Tatgate, Test Drive For Life, and Shoulder Pads 4 Sale, we’ve redefined “handling it internally” to signify these three easy steps: (1) let the busted party play in a BCS bowl game they clearly, under all forms of logic, should have been ineligible for, (2) make them sign a ridiculous one way “agreement” that did nothing except benefit the school by keeping talent around, and (3) appeal to have a relatively light suspension of mostly pre-season games reduced by 60%.

This is in-house discipline of NCAA rules is like an off-shore tax shelter is understanding the spirit of tax law. It’s showing in pretty clear terms you have no intentions of doing anything you aren’t made to do nor comprehend the error in your actions.

And when, exactly, was this time before “anymore” where you could lie to the NCAA and get away with it? ESPN reminded us in pretty clear terms this was never the norm or even accepted.